Arrival of new baby boy Duff (November 2013)

After my last post about the birth rally, you may be wondering how the birth of our fifth child went. I am happy to report he arrived quickly and safely and was quite healthy. I am still processing the birth in my mind and will write the birth story here on the blog later but here are some pictures of our new baby boy!

Trainboy's New Glasses

While visiting family in December, Grandma shared suspicions about Trainboy's eyesight. A visit to the eye doctor confirmed he was slightly nearsighted and now has glasses. So the big thing in January 2012 was Trainboy got glasses! He forgets to wear them all the time and broke his first pair in less than a month. But he is adorable in them.

hi hope hi hope its off to work I go

Or so I used to sing to annoy my sister. :) Love ya sis!

So we needed to increase our income and Fixitman was already booked. 13 hours of graduate classes and a research assistantship already kept him gone most days until 8 or 9pm. So I applied for various part time jobs and tried to get more tutoring, both in person and online. But it wasn't working out the way I hoped.

Moms who homeschool, work at home and cook from scratch and keep a semblance of a clean home amaze me. Because I couldn't do it. I could not be 3 people at once. I tried and tried to make calendars and organize myself better but the long and short of it was I could either homeschool my kids the way I wanted OR I could work OR I could cook and clean my home the way I wanted. In the past, when work wasn't part of the equation, I have let cleaning slide or incorporated it into the kids' day. But the new variable of needing to work was too much. I just couldn't do it all. I tried for over a month. I'm pretty stubborn. I would still be trying if it were my decision. I like hitting my head against brick walls I guess.

I either worked and the kids played/watched movies a bunch and half heartedly did some schoolwork or I did the homeschooling thoroughly and was happy during the day but increasingly worried about our finances at night. This was my struggle. My unsolvable problem. I considered night jobs, Fixitman considered night jobs. We talked and I applied for jobs and yet things were not getting better. We prayed and fasted and went to the temple. We looked for guidance from our Heavenly Father.

You might wonder about our decision to have Fixitman go back to school right now and to move here. It did not make ANY sense on paper or logically. Especially when our financial plans for how to pay for school fell thru. Several times.  It was completely based on following promptings from the spirit. We felt like it was what we were supposed to do. It was scary and unknown and took a lot of faith to make the move. But we did it and I can tell you that we KNOW we are where we are supposed to be, and that Fixitman is supposed to be in school. We have had many little things testify that this is the path we are supposed to be on.

However it still didn't solve the whole financial crisis thing. Bills needed to be paid, and we've got this thing about integrity. We believe in being honest and keeping our commitments. So I had to get a better job than just tutoring. The answer I got to my prayers was in the Book of Mormon in Mosiah 10:5  "And I did cause that the women should spin, and toil, and work" To me it was like Heavenly Father said it was okay for me to work. That my willingness to work to help my family was a righteous thing. Work is a righteous principle of the gospel.

So I had been applying for things and continued. I applied for full time teaching positions. However it was late September, all the schools were done hiring for the year, so I applied for substitute teaching. Meanwhile my awesome Relief Society president offered to let me deliver her paper route. So I started getting up at 3 AM every morning to throw newspapers. I had to take a nap during the day and go to bed by 9 PM at the latest. It was kind of nuts.

But it felt really good to be working, to be trying to contribute and help. After a month though, I felt like I needed to be done with the paper route. I was able to start substitute teaching and while I wanted to believe I could do both, because I sometimes mistakenly believe I am superwoman, well, it wasn't really possible. So I stopped delivering papers.

So now I am substitute teaching every day and my precious younger two are at Kindercare while my precious older two are in elementary school. Next semester I do have a class to lecture at the university which came thru divine intervention. A tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. In the mean time I continue to work on transferring my teaching license to Texas so that if next fall I need to teach full time in the schools I can do so. It is a possibility. I don't know what's going to happen. There are a lot of possibilities out there and I am trusting in my Father in Heaven to guide us right now.

But can you see how my life is so different? At the beginning of this year I was a stay at home mother who home schooled my kids. A large part of our social life and my identity seemed to come from that. Now I am a working mother, with two kids in public school and two in daycare. I sometimes feel like my identity has changed to that of another person. Like maybe this is all just an elaborate game of pretend.

But who I really am hasn't changed at all. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me and I love him. That has not changed and never will. No matter what.

Ch ch ch ch ch changes

I have put off posting this because I just don't know where to start. So here it is:

My boys started attending public school October 3rd.

Dinoguy went to 3rd grade and Trainboy went to 1st grade.

It is a decision made completely with the guidance of the spirit. I did not choose this. But I know it was the right choice for right now. They started the day after general conference because I felt like I had my very clear answer several times during conference that it was what I needed to do.

Fixitman gave them each father's blessings the night before. Then that morning I went in and filled out all twenty thousand pieces of paper and provided all the documentation necessary to enroll them. I walked them to their classrooms, met their teachers, and watched them disappear eagerly into their new classes. They were excited to find out what public school was like.

Dinoguy has been pretty happy. He has lots of friends, and plays sports during recess each day. He is reading lots of fun books and his teacher lets him sit on a giant exercise ball as long as he doesn't bounce on it. He loves school and is pretty happy.

Trainboy liked it for the first few days and then asked to be homeschooled again. He wasn't too happy about it. But since going to school was part of a series of decisions, I couldn't bring him home as much as I wanted to do so. We have had some talks and worked thru some of the troubles he was having. He is shy on his own and wasn't talking much to other kids. He was waiting for others to talk to him and so we've had several talks about being a friend and asking others to play with us. He has a few friends he plays with now and talks to at lunch. But he would still prefer to be homeschooled and will tell you so. He is not learning anything new, he had mastered all that they teach in 1st grade last year. So he colors pictures and reads books and makes the best of it.

It took me a few weeks to not feel like there was a gaping hole in my body during the day when they were gone. I miss them during the day.

And that's part 1. Stay tuned for more...

Mommy brain

My purple Christmas lights Fixitman put up for me

Today I woke up and remembered Baby had a doctor appointment that morning. So I got breakfast going and the boys started on their violin, chores and academics so we could go to park day right after the doctor. Got meat out to thaw for dinner and made graham crackers for snacks at the park. Great start to the day.

Looked at the calendar and the appointment isn't until next week. Oops. Well at least we're ready for the park. Loaded up the truck with my three bags (food bag, diaper bag, craft bag), four children, lawn chair, ipod (we're listening to Harry Potter 6 on it when we drive), sling, purse, cards to mail and grabbed extra blankets for baby in case it was windy (it was.) Only went back in the house twice for forgotten items before finally heading to the post office to mail the first stack of Christmas cards and then to the park! 

Had a nice time at the park. It was cool and windy when we first arrived but tolerable. After a bit the sun came out and it was quite nice and Munchkin shed her shoes and jacket. Didn't see the boys much, they were quite busy with friends.

All our friends left a bit early from the park today so we packed up and left a little before 2 PM. (Normally stay another hour or so.) Decided to go to the museum we'd skipped yesterday due to my not feeling well. Realized a blanket had been dropped while loading up the truck and sent Dinoguy back for it. Stopped by home to pick up the stroller and take care of baby needs while Munchkin and Trainboy napped some.

Arrive at museum and strap Baby on in the baby bjorn for back support. Put Munchkin in the stroller and we're off! We had fun at the animatronic dinosaur exhibit at the museum and all the other more regular ones. It's quite empty in the afternoon on week days and we mostly had it to ourselves. Started home, remembered we were going to go to Santa's village tonight but I am too tired. Tell kids we'll go tomorrow instead. Get home and as I'm unloading the truck I realize I'm missing my sling. Frantically search truck for it and house. Call Fixitman upset and tell him I've left it at the park and am heading back. He points out traffic is practically at a standstill in that direction right now and I should wait. Moreover, he's almost done for the day and can go for me. Grudgingly admit that is a better plan.

Force myself to cook for children. Make hamburgers instead of planned meal because they don't take thinking. I do manage to round it out with the fruited jello I'd made earlier, some tamales Fixitman had brought home and cookies. Nice well balanced meal? I consider it a victory because we didn't eat out.

Fixitman calls from the park to find out where we were and manages to find my sling. Hooray! (I made this sling when Trainboy was born, I am very attached to it.) It must have fallen out of my bag while first leaving. Boys help pick up the house and then we watch an episode of Avatar cartoon with kids and then its scriptures, prayers and bedtime.

Mommy brain - where you remember appointments you don't have and don't notice when you drop things.

Big girl bed

Munchkin has now been in the "big kid" room for a week and a half now. We put her toddler bed in, I deep cleaned and put things away and moved her in. She seemed very excited and the transition has been pretty good. She has her brothers to play with and snuggle up to if she wants.

The boys beds had to be put back into bunk beds for this change. With just a month to go before we have a new infant in our bedroom, it was definitely time to help her get used to going to bed in the kids room. It may have been harder on me than her. I'm not sure.

This years' home school plan

April 2010

I have spent the past month making a homeschooling plan for the year. It started with receiving a catalog from a well known homeschool curriculum in a box type publisher. Oooohhh Shiny! Me want! I am a sucker. Keep me away from sales presentations. Seriously.

So reading and investigating further, I realized that I would change just about every aspect of what they sent which kind of kills the whole "you don't have to do any planning" part of the sales pitch. I sulked for a bit because I had my reasons for wanting an easier way out. Pregnant and about to have my fourth child pretty much topped the list. But eventually I got over it and in less than twenty minutes had laid an outline of things I'd like to do in homeschooling this year. Then I slowly worked on expanding that outline as time allowed. I'm pretty excited about the things I have planned to try with the kids.

Of course, it is just a plan, and not a set in stone structure. I told Dinoguy we were studying ancient native Americans soon and he replied that he wanted to study Norse mythology! So that's being added in as soon as we get back to the library. As a guide to help me figure out what was age appropriate and sequencing for topics other than mathematics, (because I've got that one covered), I used the book Home Learning Year by Year by Rebecca Rupp. which I was able to get on Paperback Swap. (I LOVE Paperback swap by the way!)

It is an overwhelming book if tried to take all at once. If I was reorganizing it, I'd do it by topic instead of grade level, with suggested grade levels along the way. But anyway, it gave me ideas of what topics kids usually hear at each grade level. Overall it just reassured that we are doing great, but in some things it helped me out a lot. Besides outlining what usually comes in a grade and topic, it gives many suggestions for resources and curricula, varying from free websites, to books and curricula to buy and how to get them. Since it is ten years old, some of the links weren't working. But it was a good starting point.

Two excellent quotes from the book:

"Homeschoolers can design their own curricula, assembling resources and using approaches that best suit their own children's needs. You child is enthralled by marine biology? Invent a curriculum that builds upon this interest... When it comes to curricula, kids should always come first.  It's not what teachers teach that's important; it's what children learn - and what children learn best is what interests them, what they want and need to know." (emphasis added)

June 2010

"Our long experience in homeschooling has shown, time and again, that an intense interest in anything inevitably leads everywhere... Kids are natural learners, and each will find his or her own best way to learn. There are many roads to an educational Rome."

So here is my monthly plan outline. I have broken it down further into weeks and resources, but I'll spare you that. Anyway, it might all change. The beauty of homeschooling is that we can (and will) immediately change anything that isn't working.

	History General Topics by Month
September	Ancient Native Americans, American Indians, (Scandinavia and Norse mythology!)
October	Mayas, Aztecs, Incas
November	Columbus, Conquistadors
December	Early American Settlers
January	American Revolution
February	American West Expansion
March	World Geography
April	Asia - China, Japan, India
May	Medieval Times Survey

Create a big time line on office wall! Read interesting books related to topics 3X a week as selected at library. Investigate in other media (movies, computers) as well.

	Science General topics by month
September	Magnets
October	Human Body systems/ 5 senses
November	Life cycles of animals and plants, needs
December	Sounds - waves, light and shadow
January	Water cycle, basic composition of earth
February	Season changes for animals, living vs non living
March	Weather
April	Simple machines, basic physical characteristics of objects
May	Physics- motion, force, friction

Do simple experiments and investigations related to topics 2X a week. Discuss scientific method. Mathematics Games Themes September Numbers & place value, even/odd, rounding, estimation October Fractions November Graphing/patterns December Addition/Subtraction January Multiplication February Money March Measurement April Time/calendar May Geometry

Art Investigations September Pencils October Tempera November Collage/mosaic December Printmaking January Watercolor February Weaving/crochet/fibers March Pastels April Modeling clay/pottery May Chalks

Visit Art museum monthly or every other month. Use great works of art from historical period as inspiration for creating projects. Also use project idea books have on hand. Discuss color wheel and other topics as appropriate, checking out how to type guides at library.

Language Arts Plan
Handwriting with out tears
Penpal - write every two weeks to HS penpal, write grandparents as well.
Memorize a poem every month and present to audience

Phonics 3X a week - word study games from Words Their Way
Vocabulary 2X a week - discuss words from books we are reading, do word games (word search, crosswords, Scrabble, etc)
Reading - Read aloud 30 min. a day from list of related reading books to history topics. Have books related to history topics from list available for reading. (I created lists of 30-40 books each for reading related to topics and also for reading aloud.)
Grammar and other topics I have a weekly list of ideas that will be presented.
Short story writing sometimes, try out journaling as well.

Music Plan
Continue Violin lessons and daily practice. Continue piano investigations as desired. Listen to great classics in car for musical exposure. Add musicians into history studies.

Languages
We will continue ASL probably at the co-op and Dinoguy might add Spanish there. Any other language needs will be met thru our libary, which offers online language lesson access as well as CD's and DVD's. 

March 2010

So there is the plan for this year. I know that tons will be added to it by the boys interests. But having a plan helps me immensely feel more organized and ready for our new addition in two months.

How can I have a plan and still say I follow my kids interests? They have asked for more structure. They have asked for help learning to write and everything else. Learning is still the reward. There are no external motivations or bribes. History topics I view as presenting possibilities (or strewing as some call it.) Dinoguy says history is his favorite subject and he loves all the history books I bring home.We are using interesting texts and books by people passionate about the topics. Mathematics, science and music and art are things they ask to do and enjoy.

Again, I am just hoping the plan will help me be a better mom at providing options to them. I am not tied to the plan as what we have to do, but it gives me a starting point each week and each day. Last year I did weekly planning based on what interests I was seeing and it was tiring and overwhelming, and easily led to burnout. I will still be doing some planning each week to prepare and modify, but with the overarching yearly plan, I hope to save myself some of the burnout, tiredness and worry if I am providing enough.

March 2010

Goodbye Taurus

Removing the license plates.

What to do about the car? We are 1000 miles from home and the transmission is mostly dead. We only paid $1200 for the car to begin with, and rebuilding the transmission will cost $1500-$2000. We were planning to sell it soon and buy a minivan anyway because of our impending family expansion. So repairing it seems like a bad idea.

Goodbye friend.

We decide to take it to the junk yard and sell it for scrap. Eight cents a pound equals $268.80. The guy at the scale in the junkyard was surprised because it still had cold A/C. He said they never have that. Since we did no major repair work on it in the 14 months we owned it, just some oil changes, I think we came out pretty good. Certainly couldn't have gotten a car payment for as little as it cost us over the time we owned it. Debt free is definitely the way to be and we are completely sold on not having a car payment ever again.

Goodbye drivers seat.

So to get home...quickly find another car to buy? We reviewed the available cars on craigslist and decided that home has a much larger market of availability. We were able to get a one way rental for about $100 for a day and just drove home in one long drive, mostly overnight.

So now we are a one car (or should I say truck?) family for now. We are saving our dollars towards a minivan and hope to buy one before the end of the year.

I cried when we left the car at the junkyard. I cried again when I cashed the check and we headed home. I really liked my "tortoise" as the boys called the car. It was my car and it was a blessing in our lives and I really enjoyed driving it. I miss it every time I have to climb into the truck and drive somewhere. Plus I really don't like minivans. Four kids means minivan or SUV though.

To the temple!

Squirmy and Waiting outside for the newlyweds to emerge!

Early Saturday morning we left our hotel room, ate a delicious breakfast at Waffle House and arrived EARLY at the Columbia LDS temple for my sister's wedding. Cameras ready, children ready, almost everyone present...but my Aunt and Uncle got lost. Very very lost and very very late. Luckily they were able to delay the wedding until they arrived. My sister, the beautiful bride, coming in and shaking her fingers at me in the sealing room was confusing. Afterward I find out she thinks I was the late one. Thanks Sis. Love ya too!

Married!

Love this grin. So happy!

So she's finally married! Only 7 months of engagement after over a year of dating. Hey, we can't all be quick about it. ;) (Fixitman and I were married 6 months to the day after our first date.). She was a beautiful bride and has a wonderful handsome husband. It was a great day for celebrating.

Grandpa was able to come and be the one to marry them. So awesome.

It was hot. Hey, it was July! Someone little had taken a few pictures with my camera while we waited and changed some settings so my first pictures outside the temple were overly bright. I eventually figured it out. Mostly we posed for the official photos (still can't wait to see them!) and then decided to head back to my parents house to rest before the reception that night.

Munchkin loves her grandparents.

Cute boys with their Uncle. They look a bit hot. Ready to head home?

Hot munchkin is ready to go...

Well that was the plan anyway. The car had been making some funny noises on the way to the temple that worried Fixitman, and on the way out of town we stopped at Walmart twice checking oil and other things. It became clear about 10 miles into our trip that the transmission was DYING. Turn off the A/C, turn on the heater, open all the windows... (waking the sweet sleeping Munchkin.) Thank goodness for cell phones. We got in touch with all the people also driving back and got the boys and Munchkin & I into different cars with A/C because it was HOT. Poor Fixitman got to bake as he coaxed the car back to my parents house. Every wedding needs an adventure right?

Visiting Cousins

We have had a change of furniture in our home. We returned the couches we've been borrowing from our cousins for 2.5 years and got some new (free) couches and entertainment center. The new couches are on a smaller scale and a better fit in our small house, and required the shorter entertainment center so we could see the TV. This means the old TV cabinet became my craft cabinet and the office was rearranged as well. It now has a couch with hideaway bed, the craft cabinet and one bookshelf, while the other bookshelf moved to my bedroom.

So for the benefit of family who doesn't see them much, here are photos of cousins as we returned their couches.
And here are photos of the rooms, rearranged.

Munchkin loves it! These couches are easy for her to climb on.The office so far. Fixitman still needs to hang the top doors on the cabinet and fix the blinds and I've got more arranging and organizing to do.
A quick snapshot of the living room as the boys play in it. Have you noticed Dinoguy is too quick for photos recently?

Debunking the beds

Dinoguy no longer wanted to sleep on the top bunk. Trainboy didn't want to go up there either. After two nights of them squeezing into Trainboy's bed and telling me no one wanted the top bunk, Fixitman & I decided to try and figure out how to arrange the room so that the beds weren't bunks anymore. The boys are joyful at the new arrangement. I was surpized that I also liked it. It didn't seem as crowded as I expected.


Here's are the bunk beds 2 years ago when we got them. Look at those cute little boys!

Happy Not First Day of School!

Today would be the first day of kindergarten for Dinoguy if we had chosen that path. (Wasn't he a handsome baby?) I've been thinking about this "official path divergence" lately, (though we've been on our homeschooling/unschooling journey for 2 years now) and I know we've chosen the right path for our family by picking this road less traveled.

Instead of being an emotional mess about sending my kid off to spend 8 hours of his day with strangers and worrying about his physical & emotional well-being, we are excited for the museums and parks to be empty again as the school kids return to school. Instead of our daily family life being forever altered by the absence of my oldest during the daytime hours, nothing changes and life continues. Instead of introducing the idea of age segregation into his concept of appropriate friends, we continue to make and enjoy friendships with kids and adults of all ages. Instead of entrusting the bulk of his education to the state now, I retain that responsibility without fear.

I have not explained or described our journey to homeschooling and unschooling on the blog yet and think this week is an excellent time to visit that topic. So stay tuned for posts on these topics throughout the week. Today though, we will be at the Aquarium. Or maybe the Arboretum. Or we could go to the park. The possibilities are endless!

Goodbye Taurus

This is the seemingly minor damage I sustained in a fender bender in a Wal-mart parking lot that resulted in our trusty Taurus being declared totaled.

We have had this car since before Trainboy was born and have driven it round the country more than once. We have put more than 70,000 miles on it and it has been reliable and good to us and now it is gone.

Sadly, it was my fault, as I missed a stop sign. I was alone in the car and didn't have the radio on either. But I had taken a wrong turn and was slightly lost (surprised?) since the frontage road had ended for some reason and so I was trying to get back on the freeway and driving thru store parking lots looking for an entrance when it happened. Doh! But no one was injured in the accident, thank goodness. :)

But the damage resulted in bending the door tower bar, which apparently functions somewhat as a roll cage in the car and is expensive to repair and so cost of the repairs was more than half the value of our car and the insurance declared it totalled! Double doh!

So we have turned in our car and said goodbye and deposited the check and will eventually probably buy a minivan so that Sarge can ride in the car with us easily.

Contentment

The questions are all similar in nature: If you could go backward or forward in time to any event in your life now, would you? If you could redo something in your life, would you? Do you wish you lived in a different era of the world's history? Do you spend so much time anticipating the future that you fail to enjoy the present? Or too much time dwelling on the past?

Reflection, contemplation, preparation, these are all good things. We need to cherish the past, learn from the past, prepare for the future. But we also need to live in the moment and learn to love our life, just as it is now.

We are in a fun period of transition in our life. Fixitman's job is changing significantly at his company. This brings with it uncertainty and worry and fear. And yet I woke up on Monday and wondered if it would be nice to just skip this stage of life and move on to the "more enjoyable" next stage.

Well, I don't want to skip April, my favorite month for multiple reasons. But beyond that, I realized, I love our life. I love enjoying my family and playing and discovering and learning with them. My kids are fascinating and wonderful. My dog is loyal and loving. My husband is amazing. Even now, when we are facing uncertainty and don't know where we are headed, I can stand up and say: I would rather be here, with my family, facing these challenges together, than anywhere else in time or space. Bring it on.

Childhood Dreams

Randy Pausch's last lecture.

Good Day

At the end of a day, how do you decide if it was a good, successful day or not? What makes the difference?

I realized the other night that my perception of a good day has changed. It isn't that I ever made a statement of "This is what makes a good day", but I had been operating one way, and that has been changing.

See, it used to be that the more things I got done on my list of things that needed doing, the more successful, better day it was. I accepted that I wasn't going to be super productive every day, but tried to find a balance to not over do the good things so that more days were good than wasted.

Maybe the better question is how do you know if your day was a waste of time or a success or not?

Because that is what is changing. Spending most of the day pursuing my interests and having fun with my kids and helping them explore their interests is a wonderful way to spend the day. It is extremely good and successful, even if looking back, I can't really give you a laundry list of visible things accomplished.

I think I have let go of the notion that I need to be productive in a way that has a visible outcome every day. That production equals success and a good day.

Now success and a good day is measured by happiness and joy, and how much of it we have experienced that day.

We have so many happy days. I hope you are too. :)

My garden; my life

I love my garden. It is little, but nourishing plants that can later nourish me with their fruits is so fulfilling. Landscaped plants that look nice aren't really my thing most of the time. I do love flowers, beautiful shiny flowers, but only those that I have really chosen, instead of the generic, looks good in a front yard type.

Do you think your garden can be symbolic of your life? I do. (Of course there are limits to all symbolism, just go with me here.) My garden is young and tender, naive and idealistic, full of goodness, in need of regular nourishment, mostly easily moveable, though it would cause some shock to the roots of a few plants.

Here are a few pictures I took of my little garden a week ago. It is growing wonderfully and is A LOT bigger since then, but if I take more pictures, I may never update.

In other parts of my world, we are house hunting. Yes, it appears we will be buying a home in the near future, a scary permanent commitment and adult like responsibility. Never seemed like a big deal before. But I'm trying hard to find the right home for us right now and for the next few years, on a budget, but quickly. How fun. I feel slightly out of control with the lack of knowledge about my future that I have now and so its been a crazy week.

Today has been good so far. I'm striving to find and maintain peace in our current challenges so that my kids will still thrive in this time of change. It's a tricky thing, but I think I can succeed. :)