Gentle acceptance

This is a pretty personal post about thoughts for me, so be gentle in reading it, 'kay?

I've been having a hard time writing this post that's been swirling in my head about acceptance. I think it is because it is a personal topic of overcoming my initial defensive reactions to people who hold different views than me on some topics, but whose opinion I value about other topics. So I get concerned about their reaction to learning I think or believe something else about a different topic. Does that make sense?

This is gonna ramble a bit probably.

I had a pretty good day Wednesday, but a few things came up that started me thinking about the Why to several things I believe again. Why so many things. You know, when you aren't sure what you think about a topic, you spend a lot of time reading and thinking about it, asking questions, discussing it, and the like. But with some topics you reach a point where you know what you think and don't have to ask "Why" so much. You are comfortable with that being your way of doing things. But then those questions might flare up again when you can't clearly state your reasons for believing something when questioned. (Because I am NOT blessed with the gift of people speak.)

My internal response in possible situations like these where I think someone is questioning me is to start thinking thru my various responses and holding arguments with people in my head. Not a very gentle thing to do. And then there are the paranoid beliefs about what people think about me and figuring out how to "prove" to them that they are wrong (despite the fact that they have not said anything giving credence to my paranoia.) This generally leads to obsessing about what if "they" think this about me, and how "they" are wrong. Okay, I hope you don't think I'm crazy by now! This isn't a super frequent thing I promise! And it is really rooted in personal insecurities about being accepted.

So all of this is based on my feeling judged or misunderstood by people and automatically going on the defensive. In pondering and thinking about a few of these things, I found the idea of acceptance. I believe in accepting that as humans we all have different views and beliefs about things and that's okay. We just don't all have to be the same. Why do I do things the way I do? Because it works for me & mine. If your thing works for you and yours, awesome. I accept that. It's different to me from tolerance. I think I am using these words differently than they are defined b/c to me tolerance implies enduring and judging silently while acceptance implies just peacefully allowing people their choices, and liking them for who they are.

Now this doesn't imply approval of choices, but acceptance of who someone is. The thing is, I'm trying to choose to accept people for who they are instead of considering their differences as challenges to who I am. When I choose to not argue in my head, but accept people for their differences, I feel more peaceful and calm.

And I believe that acceptance is a kind of love, especially when you may not agree with someones choices or beliefs. Perhaps that is where the peaceful calm comes from. Choosing love instead of argument or war. Internal or external. Learning and choosing to accept myself and my choices and be comfortable with that around others. That is how acceptance is gentle thoughts.

Here are some kind of similar thoughts in a much better wording from someone else that a friend shared with me recently: Link to don't explain (Go read it, it's really good, I didn't copy & paste b/c of my own copyright concerns.)