End of the year reflections on Listen

(Photo by Dinoguy)
As 2009 ends, I have been reflecting upon my word of the year: Listen. If you have noticed that my posts haven't had much writing in them this year, or wondered why I didn't post for an arbitrary period of time, it is because I haven't had as much to say. I've been too busy listening.

I wish I could say I've mastered listening, but I haven't. I have learned a lot about myself and learned who in my life it is most important to hear and really listen to. Listening has opened up my heart.

I continued pondering gentle as well. (From 2008). I think the thing about picking a word for a whole year is it really gives me time to focus on it. Not be in a rush. As 2009 ends, I'm not ready to leave the word listen. And yet by choosing one word a year I have a definite period to focus on the word of the year. So I've picked a new word which I'll post tomorrow.

In listening I've found out that I have a hard time saying no to acquaintances while its easy with my immediate family. That's backwards and I'm still working to change it.

In listening I've learned we need to slow down as a family and be home more. Some of that may be having a baby, but it is good for all of us. A home should be a haven and a blessed place to be. I want everyone to feel welcome and loved here. So I continue to work at making it such a refuge.

In listening I realized I was too busy to really listen sometimes and I needed to step back from some things, as hard as it is for me.

In listening I have found joy in choosing to do things that call to us despite the uncertainty. Like building a garden, starting violin lessons and making new friends.

In listening, I'm learning. So much.

I've made mistakes and tried to learn from them. I have started to be more trusting to my own inner voice. I'm trying to focus on those things that bring joy, peace and love into my life because when you really listen, those are the things that are worth doing.

General Conference thoughts

I love listening to general conference. I was thrilled when Fixitman made it so we could have the internet stream on our TV this time, since we don't have cable anymore. I try to purposely stay home and have nothing else going so I can listen to all four sessions. A side benefit to this is a whole weekend where we are all in the house together enjoying each other with no outside distractions.

I encourage the boys to listen to the talks but allow them to be kids. Dinoguy enjoyed playing the matching games at the Friend magazine website during the sessions and I used the printable conference notebook for my notes. We draw pictures, take notes, work on crafty projects, cook and bake together, all while enjoying the inspired counsel from the prophet and other leaders.

While April's conference seemed to be about surviving the hard economic times and recognizing the lessons in adversity, to me this conference had more about doing the small and simple things that are necessary to maintain our spiritual health. I certainly heard my word for the year, Listen, often. I look forward to studying the talks more in the next 6 months until next conference.

My notes/highlights from talks:

Prophet Monson: There is no regret in being too kind.
President Eyring: We can have peace and assurance of knowing we are on the Lord's path for us.
President Uchtdorf: Love is the defining characteristic of a disciple of Christ. Listen for the Lord's voice in everything.
President Packer: Learn from the spirit, stay close and it will protect you. Learn to pray and pray often in your mind and heart, but conclude with "thy will be done".
Elder Perry: Learn lessons from the past way of viewing the future and listen to the spirit for individual guidance.
Elder Nelson: Prayer is more amazing than phone technology. Be prepared by being obedient to commandments.
Elder Oaks: Explanation of Gods love versus divine law. Gods laws will not change for anyone. Gods love will not excuse us from following his laws. Listen. Can feel Gods love anytime. Model our parenting like that of God.
Elder Ballard: (did not speak to my knowledge)
Elder Scott: Write down impressions of the spirit and listen to feelings of peace. Practice hearing and it will become easier. Strong emotions overcome delicate communication of the spirit. Pray with the fervor of your soul, in humility and gratitude.
Elder Hales: Don't constrain the spirit. Develop a testimony and belief in God and it will bless family, posterity and friends. Knowledge of God gives purpose to life.
Elder Holland: Bore strong testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. Discussed martyrdom of Joseph & Hiram Smith. Allegory of Lehi's dream. Mists of darkness make an already difficult journey harder. Successful traveler resist ALL distractions. There is happiness and hope for the faithful in the travail of the last days.
Elder Bednar: Become more diligent and concerned at home. Express love and show it! Bear testimony and live it! Be consistent.
Elder Cook: We have stewardships for selves, families and for poor and needy. Teach children to be accountable for time and talents. Important to fill home with gospel learning. Follow counsel of the prophet to serve those in need.
Elder Christofferson: Have moral discipline to choose the right, and reject the self absorbed life in favor of developing a life worthy of respect. Laws and police enforcement cannot replace customs & morality. There can never be enough rules and will limit freedoms of all. Internal moral compasses must be established. Constantly teaching mostly by example. Have standards like stripling warriors.
Elder Anderson: Come unto the Savior and be spiritually wrapped in his arms. His arms are open and extended. Repentance always means greater happiness is ahead.
Sister Matsumori: Spirit only dwells in clean temples. Let virtue garnish thoughts unceasingly. Pray, read scriptures and invite Spirit into our homes. Make time for still and quiet each day and listen to give the still small voice an opportunity to talk to us.
Brother Clayton: Burdens can be consequences of natural conditions, results of others deeds or from our own sins. Burdens bring blessings, though it takes time and prayer to understand. Adversity is a small moment. It invites us to yield to the Holy Spirit, to be perfected and grow. Examples: work, poverty, war.
Brother Oglethorpe: Inspired teachers save spiritual lives. Draw upon the spirit to be effective teacher. 3 points from Elder Bednar: Key doctrin, Invitation to action & promised blessings. Goal of gospel teaching is not to pour info in but to think about, feel about and do something about knowledge gained. Aim High. Rely on the Lord and he'll help us do the impossible. Learn truth and then teach it, following example of the prophet Joseph Smith.
Brother Olsen: Prayers given 32 years previously while he was a missionary in Finland that seemed impossible will fulfilled. His son was missionary in city he was praying for while he was a missionary.
Bishop Burton: Teach the -ity virtues. Parents, remain steadfast in raising kids in righteousness.
Sister Dibb: Use the safety equipment! Pray, Read scriptures, Listen to the prophets and the Holy Ghost.
Brother Ringwood: Bring up children in light and truth. The easiness and willingness to listen to the word of God comes into our lives by doing the small things like prayer and scripture study.
Brother Sitati: Blessings of the temples in Africa to people there.
Brother Zeballos: God requires our best but not more than that. Do our part. Remember our covenants.
Brother Callister: Peter the apostle had weaknesses, but was a great man. Joseph Smith is similar. We gained 4 important truths from the first vision. God and Jesus Christ are separate beings. God and Jesus Christ ahave glorified bodies of flesh and bones. The Heavens are not closed. Lastly, the Full and Complete Church of God was not on the earth at the time of the vision.
Brother Watson: Security is found in self control and being temperate. Happiness is in diligence. Be patient in affliction. Be kind even when others are unkind.
Brother Renland: Heart transplants compared with the mighty change of heart brought by the spirit. Heart transplant patients must take rejection medication and have regular biopsies, but many become casual and figure if they feel fine, they must be fine. Similarly, the ultimate operation of a mighty change of heart requires great care because the tendency of the natural man is to reject the spiritually changed heart. Read questions in Alma 5 as a biopsy. It is a spiritual death trap to become casual with our prayers and scripture study. Be eager to please God and worship him with fervor and passion.

Thoughts from a new (again) mother

It has been a busy few weeks. We have been taking every chance we can to get to know our newest family member, whom for now we will call Munchkin. Her nickname may change soon, as we get to know her better.

When there is so much emotion entangled in an event, I struggle to write about it. Hence the photo log of her first few weeks. We have taken many pictures.

I had started to think I should just be happy with the two boys I had been given and stopped hoping for a third child when I found out I was pregnant with her. We were pessimistic at the beginning, given our track record, but then we heard the heartbeat. Then each week that passed made it seem more likely that she was coming. We worked to prepare for her and now she is here and she is a joy and a blessing.

Both big brothers are always asking to hold her and asking how they can help. They are wonderful children. It hasn't been easy, I have forgotten how tough women are in working to give birth, to nurse a baby, to lose sleep at night for our babies. I have experienced for the first time mastitis, possibly thrush, and an allergic reaction to medicine as well these past few weeks. Fixitman has had a lot on his plate. Thankfully my mom was able to come and help for a week. We have good supportive friends as well.

Listening and remembering to be a gentle listener has been a challenge. Being aware of the needs of my own body, my new baby, my family, my dog. Listening to promptings and quiet voices that can easily be missed.

Even in the challenges, there is so much joy to find. Babies exude joy and happiness. So do my children. It has been a joyful time, though I am glad they don't stay newborns for very long.

Word of the year: Listen

For 2009, my word is listen. I had many good word candidates but listen was the one that jumped out the most and said "Ponder me!" the loudest.

As we start 2009, my life is still full of uncertainty and change. While these things are constants in life, I think that the uncertainty of job futures and the addition of a dear new soul in our family constitute big changes and uncertainties. One blog I was reading had someone else pondering how to handle the change and her word was detach. I found it fascinating to ponder and think about her word, but it wasn't the word for me. I pulled up the list of good possible words and started making notes.

Adaptable, Willingness, Acceptance, Courage, Confidence, Release, Patience, Grace, Expansion, Peace, Savor...Listen.

Like a light going on, I knew it was my word. I wasn't sure why yet, but as I thought about it, things made sense. It is easy to ignore the things our bodies and spirits tell us. The inner voice can be crowded out of our sphere of conscious listening so easily and I have thought several times in the past few months that I wish I was better at listening and attending to those things. Sometimes I hear them and still ignore them and look back and wish I hadn't.

Additionally, there are my children. It is too easy to only half listen to them, to go on auto pilot sometimes in meeting basic needs of nourishment and love. Which is why savor appealed to me. But I think really listening to them is also a big part of it. I will make a point of giving them my attention and really listening to them as they communicate with me.

I really think that applies to our interactions with all people. It is too easy to be on auto-pilot and not really listen to what they are saying with their actions and words. So instead of reacting to what I hear at first, I will try to more actively listen to what they are saying.

Listening this year will involve more pondering and meditating within the sphere of my religious beliefs. It is a valuable practice to be able to sit in the quiet and listen. I love to do so outside on my patio and really listen. I hope to do so more often this year and learn from it.

It will be a year of listening for me. What will your word be?