September 2014

The biggest thing to happen in September was baby started walking. At 9.5 months! I was not prepared for it! Additionally there was the Improving Birth Rally, the beginning of a school year, visits from family, trips to museums, the beginning of soccer for Trainboy and Princess and wrestling for Dinoguy.

Mmm, homemade minidonuts!

Littleguy was not happy that he was not also starting soccer. I heard about it at every practice and game. I think a large part of it is this year he began thinking of himself as a "big boy" and therefore he should do all the things the big kids do right? Ah well.

Oh, and I got a horrible itchy rash all over my arms and legs and wanted to pull all of my skin off for most of the month. After two doctors and a steroid shot, it appears I am extremely allergic to poison ivy that our dog Sarge must have accidentally rubbed on me after playing in the park. I also lost pigment in my skin where the rash was in several places so you could see where the rash was for months. (no pictures!)



Baby walking! Since the older four kids walked between 11.5 and 12 months, I thought I knew what to expect. But this kid took his first steps this month and just kept going. He was walking all over the place by the end of the month. At the beginning he held out both arms like Frankenstein for balance. It was adorable. I have two videos, one from the beginning of the month when it was just a few steps and one from the end of the month when he was really getting good at it.


The birth rally...I was not as excited to do it this year but felt it was important and no one stepped up to take over. We held it on a Saturday instead of Labor Day hoping for bigger attendance at the rally and we did get it. But we also didn't get media coverage because it was an A&M football game day. Oh well. I had fun overall trying to bring awareness to a cause I believe in and I had support from friends and my sister was there!

 

Face painting at a party...he says it is something from Lord of the Rings

He loves all things dragon!

My brother, sister, brother in law, and nephew visited! So they actually came for some football game between BYU and Texas over in Austin but I was excited to have them visit. We went to several museums and had a great time. My sister also helped me re-cover my kitchen chairs and bench. She's awesome.

Picture with Uncle!

My sister came and helped me recover my chairs.

New shiny bench cover thanks to my sister.

I got in trouble for letting him touch this thing. 

4 kids all engaged in the same part of the museum? Take a picture as proof!

At the Texas History museum, trying on armor is something my kids always love to do.

We started "official school" in the second full week of the month. Even though we homeschool and learn year round, it is nice to have a small celebration for the beginning of a new school year. I also like taking the pictures. I often don't realize how much older kids have grown until I look back at old pictures. Also, Princess is officially school age this year. I can't believe she is so big!

This year Dinoguy decided to try wrestling instead of flag football. He enjoyed it from the start. He would come home exhausted from practices. He lost some weight and gained some muscle from all of it. It seemed to be a sport that was right up his alley. Princess was excited to begin playing soccer like Trainboy. She loved it from the start. She isn't shy at all on the soccer field. She goes for it! It's fun to watch her age play, they are mostly all learning the basics. Trainboy was on a good team that won most of their games. He ended up getting lots of time playing goalie which he says he enjoyed.

She's the tall one!

A Birth Story (November 2013)

I woke up around 3:30 AM with mild contractions, a common occurrence in the past few weeks before baby was born so I began my routine to see if they would stop. Trying to repress the excitement that accompanies the possibility of labor, I drank some water and ate a cracker and put on a hypnobabies relaxation CD. This usually put me back to sleep and I would wake up in the morning depressed because I wasn't in labor. However this time, I was still awake all the way through the CD. So I started another CD. The contractions seemed to be more regular than previous times and I found myself irritated with the voice on the CD because she wasn't helping me sleep. So I decided to take a bath and change CD's. At this point I was pretty sure I was in labor this time but I figured some time in the tub would let me know for sure. I did not wake my husband yet, he needed his sleep!

Sitting in the tub with candles, wearing my yellow sunglasses, with the hypnobabies going was relaxing but the contractions kept coming. I looked at the clock and thought I'd wait until 6 AM to wake Fixitman and call my dear friend at her hotel. She had came to town to help out as my doulal. While listening the CD, I was also counting marbles stacked in pyramids in my mind. Best suggestion for a distraction I've ever been given! I loved the orderly stacks of shiny black marbles in my head. It helped me be distracted enough to be able to calmly continue to breathe. Since each contraction was about 25-28 marbles of counting at this time, it let me know the contraction was almost over. I loved the rhythm of it.

At about 5:45AM the contractions were getting strong and I decided I needed to get out of the tub. Fixitman woke up and I asked him to time some of the contractions because they seemed really often and I wanted separate verification that they really were so often. Getting out of the tub the contractions seemed to be coming more often and I was having to focus more during them. When I called my friend to tell her labor was indeed happening, I had to pause during the contractions, I couldn't talk through them anymore. Fixitman called our night back up person to come sit at our house and got voicemail. We were almost to dawn so I called our daytime back up person as well because we needed to get going. I spent time resting mostly while Fixitman got everything loaded in the car. At one point I was in child's pose on the floor and the thought occurred to me that I was going to have this baby pretty soon. I could sense that I was definitely out of early labor and in the active labor stage. Fixitman had to help me out to the car. Dinoguy woke up and I gave him a hug and told him everything was okay we were just going to go to the hospital to have the baby now. Our back up child watchers had not come yet but we needed to go! It was about 6:30 AM. I think they got to our house about 6:45 AM, both of them within 10 minutes of each other.

While driving we discussed whether or not my doctor would be at the hospital today, since there was one day each week he worked at another facility. Fixitman called his phone number and left a message. The reason it mattered to me was he was the only doctor willing to let me labor in the birthing tub I was bringing to the hospital. The back up doctor wasn't going to "let" me use it. (Really how is that his call?!? Women should be able to labor however they want!) Originally our plan had been if my doctor was not going to be at the hospital we were just going to "accidentally" stay at home too long and have the baby there so I could use my birth tub. Since we were already driving to the hospital, I decided I was okay with whatever happened, that whether or not I labored in the birthing tub was not critical.

As we pulled into the hospital parking lot, I started crying because I realized Fixitman would have to leave me at the entrance and go park the car and I did not want him to leave my side. I was cold and heavily involved in labor at this point. He reassured me he would not leave me and helped me to the entrance and put me in a wheelchair. The registration nurse was a bit alarmed when Fixitman told her my contractions were every 2 minutes and lasting for 45-60 seconds. He covered me in my mother blessing blanket and told me he'd be right back. My dear friend called me to ask me a question and I responded with something like "Hospital, Just get here. Now." I had on headphones with my birthing affirmation CD from hypnobabies and was focusing on listening to that and stacking my black marbles in my head during contractions. So when the nurse from labor and delivery came to get me and was trying to talk to me I told her to shut up, I was having a contraction and she was distracting me. Then when it was over I apologized. I was still freezing cold and feeling vulnerable. I knew I had to sit through them doing their initial fetal monitoring on the bed and wasn't looking forward to that. I hate the monitors. They are one of the worst things!

Happy news was that my doctor was at the hospital! An initial check said I was about 7 cm dilated.  Hooray! However I also heard my doctor say the baby was occipital posterior, which worried me. My two longest labors the baby was posterior, so I had been mentally telling this baby to present anterior please! I wanted Fixitman to go get the birthing tub and bring it up to set up but I also didn't want him to leave my side. My dear friend finally showed up (she had gotten very lost) and I wanted to send her to get the tub but also didn't want her to leave my side. It turned out there wouldn't have been time to fill it up and use it but I wish we'd just brought it in with us when we first arrived. The 20 minutes of the initial monitoring were quite uncomfortable. Laboring while lying on your back in a bed is the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE position possible for labor. When that was done, Fixitman helped move me to the birth ball which was more comfortable. I was whiney and overwhelmed at this point, not liking my position but not feeling capable of moving so he had to guide me through each step until I was resting on the ball and leaning on him. He is such an awesome support person for me! My dear friend was their providing positive words and being my advocate. I was so glad she was there too so Fixitman could just focus on me.

Mentally by this time I was having a hard time focusing on my pyramids of marbles. I had given up making them three dimensional anymore and was now making flat triangles of marbles. The music and affirmations on the CD which had been so relaxing previously was not helping as much anymore and the contractions seemed to never stop. I was getting to 55-60 marbles and losing my place counting and getting very frustrated because I was still feeling the pain. The very clear thought came to me: "You're in a hospital! You can ask for pain relief and they have it! You can make all this go away!" The next time the contractions had subsided enough to speak I said "I want an epidural." Fixitman smiled nicely at me and hugged me, which I knew meant he didn't believe me. So I started whining and possibly crying that I really wanted it. The nurse immediately said she could get one for me, but Fixitman suggested they do a check on dilation first. This required me to move back onto that evil bed.

Fixitman guided me up to the bed and I lost my headphones in transit but didn't care. The nurse did a check and announced I was a stretchy 9 and could possibly try pushing, there was just a small lip. She then went off to get the doctor to come back up. (He was downstairs doing a surgery.) I wanted to push but I didn't like my position of course. Mike helped me get onto my knees and then at the next contraction I felt the need to bear down. It felt wonderful! I heard and felt a pop and the pushing stage was in process. (The pop was the bag of waters breaking.)

Our sweet baby had apparently had a bowel movement in utero because the nurse kind of freaked out. Instead of clear liquids, greenish blackish liquid was everywhere. I know there were more people in the room all of the sudden but I wasn't super aware. Mentally I was somewhere else and completely focused on pushing out the baby. I was in a half squat/kneeling position I believe and it only took a few good pushes for the baby to be born. They cut the cord quickly because of the meconium and the nurse whisked him off to suction off his face. After pushing him out, I was suddenly out of energy to move. I waited for someone to help me turn over onto my back and for them to bring my baby back to me. It took what felt like a really long time and in the mean time I pushed out the placenta and had the doctor checking me. Shortly after he was born my friend had announced that I had a son. It was only 8:14 AM. We had only been at the hospital a little over an hour. This was my fastest labor and delivery by far.

I did not find out the gender of our baby before he was born. I had heard it was a neat experience to find out at the birth and wanted to try experiencing that, especially since I knew I'd be happy with either gender. When she told me he was a boy, it just felt right. I knew he was meant to join our family and was the child I had been waiting to meet. When they finally brought him back to me he was beautiful. I was so thrilled to finally be holding him! He was happy to cuddle and nursed a little bit. Then the nurse was after me to go use the restroom and so I had to hand him off again.

Once I was cleaned up and back in bed holding him I was hungry but happy. My sweet boy was here and he was beautiful and healthy. He weighed in at 9 pounds 6 ounces and 21.5 inches in length. Not quite my largest baby but close! My friends brought my a delicious Chick-fil-a classic chicken sandwich and their delicious lemonade.

Then I noticed the IV still dripping in my arm. What was it for and why was it labeled oxytocin? I had received the group b strep antibiotics while in labor but those were done. Why was there a new bag? I called the nurse and found out that I was indeed receiving oxytocin because she felt it would prevent hemorrhaging and because he was my fifth baby she felt I was at risk of this. I should have demanded it be removed but I didn't. I don't think I had the fight in me. But I didn't need it and didn't want it. Afterward discussing it with my doctor he said nurses could give that without getting doctor permission and he had not known about it. Maybe this isn't a big deal, but my right to informed consent was violated. Additionally it made my after birth contractions so strong that I had to take some pain medicine to deal with them. I dislike taking medicine and having to take medicine because of the effects of other medicine was irritating!

Overall I am choosing to remember this as a wonderful positive birth experience. My son was born healthy and with no complications. However if we are discussing birth in general, my wishes and my birth plan were ignored. Sharing or wants beforehand did not work, we still had to inform every nurse about things that differed from their standard policy while arriving for the birth. Additionally I was taken advantage of in my vulnerable new mom state. Baby having meconium is not crisis enough to warrant immediately clipping the cord and taking him over for a vigorous exam immediately. My third child was also born with meconium in the waters and the midwife just quickly cleaned him off before handing her to me, without cutting the cord. Additionally you have the IV and oxytocin that was put in me without informing me.

When I have given birth at a birth center (twice previously), the people are busier right when you give birth, but there aren't suddenly 4-5 more people in it. Additionally I have been able to just hold my baby IMMEDIATELY after the birth. Hospitals are so worried about their protocol. They are not concerned with the individual needs or wants of patients. While I had a fabulous doctor, most of my interactions were with the nurses and I didn't meet them until I was there in labor! This doesn't make sense at all to me. I should not have to worry about building a relationship while I am in labor. Why even bother to talk about all your concerns with the doctor when he won't be there most of the time while you are in labor?

When you have a midwife care for you beforehand, you also have that same midwife there the whole time you are in labor. They don't attempt to go back and forth between seeing patients in their office, doing surgeries and checking in on you. Anyone scheduled for an appointment when you are in labor is rescheduled or seen by someone else. Mother care by a midwife is more than just seeing if her physical stats are fine, it is caring for the whole person. My midwife with my fourth child especially was wonderful at providing a safe place for me to discuss my mental and emotional stuff I was dealing with while we were pregnant. Then she was there the whole time I was in labor.

I've given birth in a hospital with a family doctor, in a hospital with an OB twice, and with a certified nurse midwife twice. I absolutely prefer the midwife. This doesn't mean my doctors weren't great because I do think they were. However the system they work within is fundamentally flawed with hospitals and their management of birth. I believe almost all women should be giving birth in birthing centers, (or at home if they prefer) with just a few being sent to hospitals. If I were a hospital administrator, I'd be building a birthing center right next to the hospital and recruiting midwives.Why isn't this more common?

With regards to home birth, I think I would like to experience it if I have a nurse midwife with me and a hospital is nearby for backup. My husband would rather not deal with the messy results of birth at home. However he is a fabulous wonderful support person, and was willing to consider it when my options were limited this time. Ultimately after prayer, I had felt like the hospital and the doctor I chose were the right choice this time for me. I don't think it was because of any conditions that happened to my child but because I needed to revisit what it was like to birth in a hospital so I could get over my irrational fear of Texas hospitals. I was also able to review what I dislike about the setting.

Hospitals are for sick people y'all. Most women in labor are not sick but doing something natural and beautiful. I think the oversight of professionals is very good to have because of the possibility of complications but for most women this possibility is very small and does not require an institutional setting. We need to spend more time educating and inform women about the natural process of birth. Hospitals do not provide emotional support to women in labor. Women need doulas and support people who are with them. This is scientifically shown to improve the outcomes for mom and baby! But because of money, hospitals are happy to continue to perpetuate the lie that labor is painful and difficult and you should just let all your decisions be made by professionals without becoming informed. I am not saying all women should give birth without drugs. I am saying women need to become educated and empowered about the things happening to their bodies. If a woman wants to have an epidural or other pain relief product, that is fine, but she needs to be educated about all of the possible side effects.

If I have a choice, my next baby will be born in a birthing center or at home.

Rally to Improve Birth September 2013

Let's start with some background:

So here I am pregnant with my fifth child in a place I have not given birth in before. I have previously had two babies in a hospital setting and two at birthing centers. I personally preferred the birthing center environment and was happy to find one birthing center in the area. However after meeting with the midwife and doing some research, it turns out I was unable to have my prenatal care and birth experience at this birthing center because it did not accept my insurance and I could not pay several thousand dollars cash instead. The next closest birthing center was over an hour drive away. I would either have a ton of driving to do over this pregnancy and birth or I would need to choose an alternative. Alternatives include a home birth with a midwife (insurance doesn't cover, can't afford to pay myself), an unassisted homebirth (Fixitman and I both did not wish to choose this), temporarily moving elsewhere that had better care or a hospital birth.

I really prayed about this a ton. I did not know what to do! If ever someone felt they needed Heavenly guidance and inspiration about a difficult decision, it was me. I knew my wonderful husband would support me in whatever decision I made.

The impression came several times to meet with a certain doctor some of my friends had used. They all had positive experiences and had spontaneously told me what a great doctor he was. I resisted the impression and kept trying to figure out what to do. I tried to choose moving away and did not feel good about it. I tried to choose driving to the further away birth center that did accept my insurance and did not feel good about that decision. The impression came again that I should use this doctor. So reluctantly I called his office and scheduled a visit.

I told the doctor I was unhappy with having to give birth in a hospital setting and he recommended the birth center. I explained that I had already explored that option and it was unavailable to me. We talked for quite a while and I felt like we might be able to make it work at the hospital. He seemed willing to work with me and my desire for an unmedicated birth with as little intervention as possible.

Fast forward to late summer. Because of my experience having choices unavailable to me, I was doing a lot of research about birth interventions and standard practices and procedures. I came across a group called Improving Birth. Their goal isto make the best care available to all women. This did not mean telling women they could not use pain relief drugs or what kind of care provider to choose. It meant using scientific research to inform the practices of care providers all over the USA.

I really liked what I read and found many useful articles. They were planning a nationwide birth rally on Labor Day 2013 and I wanted to participate! However the closest planned rally to me was 90 miles away. I would either have to drive to it or start a rally in my own town. I resisted this idea because it was so outside my comfort zone. Eventually I decided to do it, feeling that my own lack of options in birth could be turned to some good by trying to bring change to my community. So I jumped into the uncomfortable planning with both feet. It was not easy for me, but I kept at it.

My kids mostly played on a playground at the local park and ate popsicles but they did hold up signs for a little bit. (It was HOT!)

Because I started planning with less than a month to go and did not get the word out all over the community and there turned out to be another birth event in my town on the same day that I had not known about, I didn't have super high attendance. I did have people join me though and we did get on a local TV station so we took the message to more people that way. I did feel happy about making the effort. I did my best and I shared a message I really believed in.I joined the movement, I tried. Overall the rally happened nationwide in more than 160 cities. Women everywhere want to have more options and better care when giving birth.

You can see more about the local rally and find great articles about improving the state of maternity care in this nation at my local rally page on Facebook.

You can watch the local TV station news clip at this link.

Yes I am planning to participate in the rally next year and hope to make it bigger and better. It is a peace rally intent only on helping bring education and information to the community. It is something I have a little bit of a passion about also. Women deserve better care! I have not gone into details in this post about what can be improved because this is my personal blog and that is not the point of this post. But you can find lots of details in the links I have created above.

Birth story (long!)

This is a fairly detailed story of my fourth baby labor and delivery.

Some time in September I told several people the day I expected baby to come based on the number and day being mathematically pleasing to me based on some patterns. I said it in a joking manner but did hope that it would work out. At least until I was uncomfortable pregnant and wanted to have the baby NOW and not wait for that date.

I had occasional contractions at night starting several weeks before his estimated due date. I took this as a sign that the actual labor was going to be short and quick since my body was doing all the prep work ahead of time. But it also made me very skeptical about contractions since I had several times where I'd have contractions for an hour or two and then they stopped. So the contractions that evening before I had said baby was coming were mostly ignored and I didn't even tell Fixitman about them until right before bed. At this point they'd been coming occasionally for several hours now and I was starting to think we might be in actual labor. We went to sleep, me wondering if the contractions would stop or keep getting stronger. I didn't sleep much. About 2 am I decided I wasn't going to get any more sleep. They had been coming fairly regularly about every 10 minutes for several hours and were strong enough that I had to focus on breathing through them. They were hurting enough that I woke Fixitman and told him I thought I was ready to go to the birth center. He got up and I called my midwife and friend. We got to the birth center about 3 am and the contractions were still between 6-10 minutes apart but some were doubles and others were lighter. When the midwife checked and said I was about a 3 and 80%, I was a bit disappointed. She also said baby was not locked in position and was posterior. She recommended I try to be in a few positions during contractions to help him rotate to anterior.

She said we could go home and rest there or stay at the birth center. Since I hadn't been getting any rest at home, I decided to stay. I was hopeful really that things would speed up and the 3 was just a fluke. I tried to sleep some at the birth center but after a half hour of painful contractions (worse than they'd been at home) I couldn't lie down. So I got into the tub. The water helped immediately with the contractions and I tried to rest in there. About 6 am, some random guy drove up right next to the birth center blasting his music and apparently got out of his car and was dancing (with sunglasses on!) Fixitman was looking thru the window trying to figure out what he was doing and I was telling him to make him go away he was really making things difficult! The midwifes' apprentice came in and said she'd go shoo him away if wanted. Thank you!

My dear friend who came to help with everything and the midwife's apprentice sat with me for about an hour and chatted at this point and then I decided the contractions seemed to be slowing down and wanted to get out. Moving around immediately brought on more contractions (yay!) and I decided we should go walk around the park. Woke up Fixitman, midwife said I should eat some breakfast and I agreed to eat a bagel with cream cheese after the walk around the park. I wasn't really feeling hungry but she said I might need the energy and would be glad I did or the baby would come and it wouldn't matter much. So we walked slowly around the park as the sun came up and stopped when I had hard contractions so I could focus on breathing. After eating the midwife checked and I was almost a 4 and he was still posterior. This was really disappointing news and while she focused on me being in a position to rotate him, I got tired and fell into a light sleep. I would wake up for contractions but was able to breathe thru them with help and the nap helped me feel more able to handle things.

We went for another walk after this. The midwife apprentice said to walk fast if I could thru contractions. I did though it hurt and it was entertaining as everyone encouraged my vocalizations. My preferred sound was pbbbt. Next I got a dose of the group b strep meds and the midwife recommended some natural inducing of oxytocin. This helped a lot at bringing on some strong regular contractions for a while and I felt like squatting after a bit and felt so ready to have the baby. I was sure if I squatted long enough he'd come but after 20-30 minutes my legs were very tired and I had to stand up. I tried to use the facilities but instead got faint and tired and had to lie down. (It was about noon.)

At this point I fell into a light sleep and had some sort of dream about taking an engine out of one car and putting it in another. I mumbled something about it out loud because I heard the midwife interpreting it. "She wants someone else to finish the labor for her." Yep, I was tired and ready to be done! When I was roused from my short nap I felt more energy but also fairly depressed. The midwife said movement was helping and I should keep moving positions and to do some more natural inducing of oxytocin. But I was having a hard time staying relaxed during contractions and mentally was telling myself I couldn't do it anymore. I told Fixitman to have just the midwife come in and check me because if I wasn't about to have this baby I was going to drive to the hospital and get an epidural so I could sleep for a while. Wisely, he didn't argue with me (much) and had her come check.

I was at a 7, completely effaced and the bag of waters was bulgy. He seemed to be in the right position at first and then moved back to posterior again. She recommended breaking the bag of waters and said he would probably come pretty fast after that. (It was some time after 1pm at this point.) She had the apprentice come in and break the bag of waters and immediately I felt like things were going better. I was unable to decide where I wanted to be though and tried to go to the birth stool and squat again but it felt wrong and Fixitman had to help me back to the bed. I ended up half on my side and half on my back holding one leg up. I was fairly disoriented and not sure of anything and was crying all sorts of crazy things at this point but then they were telling me he was crowning and I was able to see it in the mirror. It was a little crazy to see him coming out and of course I looked away right when he decided to spin into the right position (finally) which was pretty cool according to the midwife and Fixitman. When he was out and they put him on my belly, I had no energy to pull him up to me. I was so exhausted. I hurt so much and was so tired and so happy. My first thought was that he looked just like Trainboy. With help I brought him up to my side and let him nurse and then he of course released his bowels and had to be cleaned up.

It was not an easy labor, since the contractions never were regular or consistent in intensity. The mental game was harder because it was longer and not as textbook as my previous two labors. It was also my second longest and reminded me so much of my first labor which was also posterior but for which I had so little support and ended up getting an epidural and pitocin. It was much nicer this time to have four very supportive people around helping me and encouraging me. I had my dear husband, my dear friend, the midwife and the midwife apprentice. Between their encouragement, support and all the different ideas the midwife had for helping the labor, things were so much nicer than my first where Fixitman and I were just put in the labor room and left alone for hours.

After my celebratory hamburger, fries and milkshake, I was able to get cleaned up and Fixitman went to get the other kids. They were excited to meet their baby brother and I showed them the placenta and umbilical cord as well. Then we all were able to go home together. The first thing Fixitman and I did of course being to climb in our own comfortable bed and sleep!

Link to photos from before that relate to this story.