Monday, April 05, 2010

I hate squirrels

You know how the janitor on Scrubs had a stuffed squirrel army, and killed every squirrel he saw? I always thought that was funny until we moved here. Now I'm tempted to start shooting them myself. I hate the squirrels here. It started because there were squirrels living in our attic. Whenever they last did repairs on our roof (before we moved in) they did not fix the wire mesh screening and left little entrances for animals to come live in our roof. And they did. Fixitman found evidence they'd chewed on everything up there, including the electrical wires. We would wake up at 4 am to squirrel screams. Fight club, squirrel style, took place right above our bed. Awesome.

Fixitman fixed the holes in the screening twice. The little gremlins ripped right thru it in the same spot. They also started stealing stuff from my garden. One left a peanut in the garden after stealing some other seeds. I used to like to think that he was trading, but now I think he just got excited about the free food I'd left out for him and dropped the peanut in the excitement. Squirrels are evil.

Fixitman finally put up big wooden beams over the holes after he went up there and made sure the squirrels were not inside. But apparently one was inside because we heard its frantic knawing and yelling to other squirrels outside early the next morning. Ugh. Then a lovely cold snowy freeze spell came and there was a very old very dead squirrel on our front lawn the next morning. Froze to death because he couldn't get inside our attic for warmth. We haven't had any squirrels in the attic since then, thankfully.

Friday morning I went to let Sarge out back for his morning relief and there was a squirrel digging up and stealing our sunflower house seeds. Why haven't I bought a BB gun yet? I really really hate squirrels.

PS: have you read "There's a hair in my dirt" by Gary Larsen? If not, you really should. Especially if you think squirrels are cute.


Stephanie said...

I'll take them!
But they have to live in the pine tree.

Emily Conkey said...

Seriously, the squirrels in our family housing complex are on crack. They chase little kids and bite holes in our screen. They are completely crazy. Down with the squirrels!

Bridget said...

That's funny, I guess sunflowers aren't resilient against squirrels. In our yard it is the birds that are the culprit when it come to seed thieving. I have some bare patches in my garden due to them, but I enjoy hearing them sing all day, so it's worth it to me. Incidentally, I don't know if squirrels care if they have sprouted, but we did our sunflowers the sprout in a zip lock bag with paper towel method, and then plant and they did they all came up really well - so if squirrels are deterred by sprouting, it may be worth trying.


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